Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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