drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
