Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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