Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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