Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
