dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
