Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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