pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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