Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
