dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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