Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
