its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
