Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
