he wants to bone in the snuggie
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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