we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
