I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
