I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
