my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
