she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I need a burrito and a hug.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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