She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
