apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
