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its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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