i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Two words: nipple clamps
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