I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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