Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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