Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
