omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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