he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Randomize
