Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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