Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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