a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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