I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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