The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
