Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
