this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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