dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm always down for nudity.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
