Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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