You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
