He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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