i love accidental penises.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
