Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
