he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Are we still banned from the library?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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