I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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