please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
