My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
