Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
