What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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