I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
