why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
