My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
