people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
