If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
