Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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