I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Green mimosas i think yes
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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