I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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