Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
